The Way It Was And How It Could Have Been: Entering Hell

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“Sometimes life just randomly answers the questions you’ve been searching for, even if it’s too late to enact on them. ” – Jessica Bixby

Many women prefer to rant, rave & moan about their problems, but not this girl! Not knowing, eat at me. Don’t get me wrong caring for 2 sick parents was Hell. If I had to do  it again a small part of me says, “run away!”, but I have morals and would stay & do it. I only hope that my pain can be used as a lesson to help others avoid the same outcome.

So let’s start from the beginning, April 2012 my life changed forever in the blink of an eye. There were warning signs, we just didn’t know, what we didn’t know. My mother had been telling the Dr. for months she’d been having a hard time swallowing, dysphagia. Being the stoic woman and the caregiver for my father. None of us knew what it meant. Since it seem to be a minor annoyance to her none of us thought anything of it. Dysphagia, is part of the normal aging process and alone doesn’t really raise any red flags. After all alone it could be any of a dozen ailments.

Although Fatigue is a sign of somethings wrong, she was diabetic and well was always tired.  So again no flags raised. After all being Diabetic and caring for a 70 yr old man who is arthritic & just had both knees replaced is stressful and tiring so fatigue was just an expected thing with her.

So needless to say, it was horrifying to us all when 2 days before they were to go on a cruise my mom was in horrible pain. My father was unable to even unlock the door for emergency people to come in. She barely was able to get to the door to unlock it, the pain was so unbearable.

Just an example of lymphoma of the stomach.

It wouldn’t be till. after a 5 hour emergency surgery that we would find out they had to remove a portion of her stomach. It appeared that she was under a lot of stress and had stomach ulcers. These ulcers appear to have become cancerous and burst through the stomach wall. The fear of almost losing her hit us all hard, but I think the toll of it weighed harder on my father. When you look on Web MD, for Stomach Cancer Symptoms, she never expressed having any of the other symptoms.

The sad truth of the matter is my mom and I share this one thing in common, people worrying about us, makes us uncomfortable. So like her, if I was in pain, I’d keep it to myself and suffer in silence. Out of fear of finances, we both wouldn’t seek medical attention most-likely till it was too late. I do want to note that at the time both my parents had health insurance and plenty of money. The more someone frets & worried about her the more tight lip she would become. On this, I can’t speak for my mom, but when I see someone worrying about me, it’s the most gut wrenching feeling in the world. I rather suffer in silence than add to their fears.

I realize it for what it is, but this was the dumbest thing my mom could have done. Please here me out on this, if you are this type of a person. DO NOT hide being sick, ill, in pain or emotional state from your loved ones EVER! I know it’s hard to talk about, but you are actually going to cause them more pain. They are here for you and will want

Stress-related illness, often referred to as Psychosomatic Disorders, begins with emotional stress or a damaging thought pattern.

to help! Not talking about how your feeling can be deadly and in her case it was a few years drawn out painful mess. I noticed she was tired, so I worked more & harder in the shop for next to nothing. (& yeah, I’d do it again, but maybe get it in writing and wages) Let this be a lesson, I know it’s hard, but you have to talk regularly with doctors, friends and family on how you feel. Maybe we would have taken action earlier and the emergency surgery wouldn’t have had to occur.

I noticed she was tired, so I worked more & harder in the shop for next to nothing. (& yeah, I’d do it again, but maybe get it in writing and wages) Let this be a lesson, I know it’s hard, but you have to talk regularly with doctors, friends and family on how you feel. Maybe we would have taken action earlier and the emergency surgery wouldn’t have had to occur.

Since then I’ve been on a constant search for answers. I know it can’t change the past, but I hope it can change someone else’s future.  Below are some links to recommended reading. Please feel free to comment, like & share this post.

Recommended reading

We are seeking financial help to resolve the fall out of losing both parents. If you can help please do and God bless!

Seeking justice for the Death & Neglect of Beatrice & Robert Greenhood
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Sentimental Sunday: Life With My Dad (Robert Greenhood)

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( #SentimentalSunday)

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On April 16, 2012 my life changed forever. Bea, my mother, ended up in the hospital. None of us knew how much our father depended on her and the stress of that lead to being in a 5 hour emergency surgery. Although, her sisters cruelly blamed him for this, he was not alone in the fault of it, but that’s not what this blog post is about. My dad, was not an easy person to get along with and it’s always easy to harp & focus on the horrible past and allow it to continue to torture yourself, but that’s not what this post is about either. Although, yes we are still seeking help in cleaning up this financial mess created by the loss of both parents in 1 year, this post is for the grandkids who will grow up never knowing him.

It’s true that when we are young we don’t always appreciate these little moments, but as I stood behind my husband watching a clip of CBS’ Sunday Morning and I recall some of the best Sunday mornings with my dad were spent sitting in the living room, sipping his coffee with a bagel with cream cheese.

http://www.cbsnews.com/common/video/cbsnews_video.swf

As we got older this happen a lot less & less. My parents would work long hours & my sisters and I, had other things to do.  When my nephew, Daniel was born my dad was so excited. For one, he was now not the only guy in a family of 3 daughters and all the pets were female too! At this point in life, I lived in South Carolina, but everyone else lived here in Florida. I’d come down on holidays. Sarai would drop Dan off with my parents and my dad would put on Sunday Morning and watch it with my nephew. It was kind of nice to see. Although, Dan was not able to walk he’d sit there snuggled up with his grandfather watching. 10 years later when Dan’s sister, Elizabeth was born the tradition continued.

He’d play every morning for her, a recording of, (I think), Lord of the Dance with Irish

Irish dancers

dancers dancing to Simple Gifts.  I grew up listening to so many versions of this song. It will always hold a special meaning to me. None more precious than watching him sit there playing that song  on the TV for her & singing it to her. By no means was our father an awesome singer, but Lizzy’s eyes would  get so big and twinkle as she’d sit there watching & listening.

Right now, all that’s left for their 5 grandchildren is pain & trashed memories. In some families, a loss brings family together but sadly in ours it’s torn us apart. Instead of preserving the memory of our parents they worked hard at erasing it. Trashed their home & took what they wanted before my mom’s body was even cold. Sadly this behavior has become more & more common in today’s society. If you can help please do, even if this means just liking & sharing this page.

Thank you!

Sentimental Sunday: Uncle Jim
Seeking justice for the Death & Neglect of Beatrice & Robert Greenhood
Help My family Find Justice
Financial Planning after a Diagnosis of Dementia or Alzheimer’s
Elder Neglect, Prescription Abuse & It’s Unfortunate Toll
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The Ovarian Lottery: Here Come the vultures

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“Here come the vultures. Here come the vultures screaming at us…” – Delain

‘I’m angry like I’m 18 again and walls are closing in, but the bastards & the vultures all want pieces of what’s left of what we built….” The wonder Years

 

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Promises were made but how often I forgot how few promises were ever kept by my family. I sadly can’t recall any promises made by my family that have been kept. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that a family, I naively thought was loving and caring turned out to be a pack of vultures. My father was only gone a few months and the vultures swoop in like a pack of hungry vultures plucking out my mom’s eyes before she’s even gone. I guess all families hope for that rich uncle to die and leave them a fortune and all families have those greedy individuals wait for their chance to get their slice of the pie.

By all means, my parents were not perfect, but they were mine and I loved them despite their faults. Both, Bob & Bea, worked hard their whole lives. They owned several businesses Old South Marketing, Contour Marketing, Affordable Coin Shop, J & S Stamps and a few others. I’d love to say all that hard work paid off and they became rich and lived happily ever after, but if that was the case then this blog post would be done. Don’t get me wrong they had their ups and downs and always made it through. In 2007, Bob came into some money due to a family decision to sell a piece of property that had been in the family for several generations.

Luckily for them they didn’t go all crazy. Sure they paid off their mortgages and for once in their lives bought brand new cars. They were even smart and invested some of it. The one thing they didn’t do was work on being healthier. Bea had a Heart attack and bypasses done when she was in her 50’s. She also was a diabetic. Bob had suffered from several forms of Arthritis before I was even born. The pills he took on a daily basis was like a dozen pills 3 times a day. Both suffered from obesity. This horrible lifestyle lead to many ailments and ultimately lead to them both being hospitalized in 2012.

With one daughter living in another time zone, another with a toddler the majority of their care fell to me. Sadly there isn’t much out there to help you when you’re flying by the seat of you pants. They made no plans, no details on what to do how to take care of things. You do what you can. I didn’t ask my family to help as they all lived over 1200 miles away. With one aunt on her death bed, 2 sick uncles and many other family members severely sick I didn’t dare ask.

It was hard trying my best to take care of things and keep on top of it all despite the negative comments I was getting from my mom’s siblings. By 2013, I was on the brink of breaking down. This is when the vultures strike. This is when it goes to hell. It starts with something small and grows from there. Before you know it, they’ve left your ailing father alone & unattended. Although the details are still unclear, my father became injured and ended up getting an infection that landed him in the hospital. According to my mother, the last she saw of him was in September before she left for Colorado to see her sister.  Denied seeing her husband before he passed, Bob suffered the cruelest fate of all. He died alone with no one who loved him there by his side. Denied seeing his wife before he died, denied closure with his daughters and denied seeing his 2 grandchildren that lived in the same state, once last time.

To be Continued……

Seeking justice for the Death & Neglect of Beatrice & Robert Greenhood

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Financial Planning after a Diagnosis of Dementia or Alzheimer’s
Elder Neglect, Prescription Abuse & It’s Unfortunate Toll
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Financial Planning after a Dementia or Alzheimer

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I’ve been replying to a lot of Public Relations (PR) requests on (HARO) Help A Reporter Out for my shop, Affordable Coin Shop. I want to open the dialog and hear what others think. Please feel free to comment, reply and post your own responses. I want to know. Sheyna Steiner was looking for…

What steps need to be taken for financial planning after a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s?

 

At our shop, many of our patrons are elderly the discussion of financial planning comes up frequently.  I understand the thought of financial planning once they are diagnosed it is considered too late, but there are steps that can be taken. My mom ended up with Chemo Brain which many refer to as a form of Dementia although it is not considered Dementia. My father had a cognitive disorder that is also similar to dementia, but it was brought on due to long term use of Opioids. I hope that what my parents & I went through will be of use to you and look forward to reading your article. I would like to keep it short, but it’s kind of hard.  If you need to contact me for additional details please feel free to reply to this email (coindeals@yahoo.com) or call me at (316) 323-3859 which is my cell phone.

I was the caregiver for both my parents when they got sick. I wish we had pre-planned but didn’t and now facing the consequences I hope others will learn from my misfortune and avoid my mistakes.

In 2012, both my parents Bob & Bea became sick. Prior to being hospitalized neither one had drawn up a will or made any plans for what was to occur over the next 2 years. Bea was hospitalized due to Cancer and Bob ended up hospitalized due to side effects of long-term use of opioids for arthritis pain. Luckily I was able to get my mom a will done before Chemo. I tried to get a will drawn up for my father. Although he was medically clear to draw up a will he refused to do so. Since your loved one is diagnosed with a disorder that diminishes their mental capacity having a Dr. clear them to be mental fit for a will is a must. As a lawyer told me, “Just because the law says you can write them a will doesn’t mean it was done responsibly with the individuals best interest at heart.” (Philip Adrian Elder Law). 

The will that was originally drawn up for our mother stated that the properties should go into a trust. Sadly, most lawyers do not help set this up nor do they tell you that you can do this ahead of time and should. Although I found this out too late for my parents but for about $1500 you can not only have a will drawn up but have a living trust setup. Being a caregiver is one of the hardest jobs. It seems like every time someone gets sick the vultures come out to feed. By having the living trusts set up in advance, it can help thwart the vultures from just glomming finances and help avoid probate. Having a living trust  allows you to mechanicalize payments for expenses automatically. In my case my parents finances were a mess. It’s been 2 years and still don’t know where money and some other stuff is. Everyone thinks an accountant is expensive and yes in our case it would be, but having the finances kept straight and in balance. Keeping financial & other bills record straight helps any caregiver’s stress levels.

Make sure you get POA’s (Power of Attorney). Many think POA gives them control over everything and that’s not entirely true. Family can also fight your POA and get it revoked. In my mom’s case, I originally had medical POA and another family member had financial. some think that POA allows them to act without question. This is not true. When a POA is requested, your word is not law and you must show proof of POA.

If the person you’re caring for doesn’t already have insurance, make sure you get them some. You will also need to get extra coverage. I learned the hard way that Medicaid doesn’t cover all the bills if the individual is in an assisted living facility. The average cost per a year for a living assistance facility is $60,000 – $70,000. If you are on a budget. It may sound horrible, but Clark Howard once mentioned “Outsourcing” elderly to India for assisted living as a way to save them money and live comfortably. Granted your loved one can live out the rest of their days at home  like my uncle who did have Dementia did. Getting the extra coverage will help cover some if not all of these extra care. expenses. 

The unfortunate outcome from this story has caused a lot of pain emotionally and financially. The point of many of these posts is to raise awareness of how badly things can go wrong for our parents as they get older. I am not asking for help for myself but to help set things straight. If you can help donate great & thank you! It’s ok if you can’t. Please like, comment & share.

Seeking justice for the Death & Neglect of Beatrice & Robert Greenhood
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Thank you!

Jessica

Elder Neglect, Prescription Abuse & It’s Unfortunate Toll

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So sad, it’s been over a year & still dealing with this crap. Remember how I said my dad lost his marbles & was pressing charges on me? So he said, I drained their bank accounts.

Well, it turns out he did it as I had suspected. He had closed the business checking account, which I already knew about. What I didn’t know was it appears he also closed another bank account as well as max out the business line of credit. Then filed charges that I did it among a list of other things. How sad. He must have really been out of it by that point because I knew he was smart enough to know that wouldn’t have worked. All they had to do was see the accounts were closed by him.

Source: National Center on Elder Abuse, Bureau of Justice Statistics. February 16, 2012

I think the saddest part is, someone promised to look out for my mom & she didn’t. This same person promised to call Adult Services & they never did. Oh, & that was said in front of my dying mother & a few of her sisters. (Not that I’d expect any of them to back me up on that statement. Nor will I hold ill will to any of my family who stays out of it. Unfortunately, a few of them won’t have that luxury as they were involved in many of the events. )

I knew by this point my dad had not taken his risperidone for over 3 months. Although risperidone is known to treat many mental health issues like schizophrenia & bipolar disorders, it is often used with dementia & drug abuse victims. Risperidone helps with the aggression that is often associated with the abuse or misuse of opiates. Knowing my father’s temper before all this I can only imagine what my mom had to see & witness. (To this day I will walk away from an argument even if I feel I’m right because it makes me shut down & not function.) So if you were to have asked me back then if I was mad at him for all this, I would have said, “Yes!”. Although Now, it’s mixed feelings. Had he have not done all that, maybe they’d both still be alive today. As he always said, “If, the smallest word with the biggest meaning.”.

Unfortunately, the loss of both of them has left a big toll on my sisters & I. The

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration on Aging

unfortunate outcome has been despite a new will that gave everything to the grand-kids, they now get nothing. Mom’s engagement ring, wedding ring & diamond ring gone. Photos, mementos, family heirlooms & even personal belongings that were at my parents home have all gone to my cousin. My cousin obtained POA (Power of Attorney) the same day my mom ended up in the hospital back in February of this year (2014). She used this POA a week before my mom died & took possession of over $400,000 worth of property as well as over $50,000 worth of belongings & more.

I know everyone grieves differently but moving into her home a week after her death & going out partying just seems wrong. Especially considering she seem to not want to live at this very same house with my mom after my dad died. Actually she moved my mom out of the house a week after my father died.

So again I’m not asking you to help me, but to help us find justice. In Florida once an elderly abused person(s) has passed away there is only one way to seek justice. You have to get a good elder law attorney & go from there. Sadly, you almost need a law degree to understand & find one. On top of all that they are not cheap. (Then again they do spend tons of money just to get the degree.) Once you’ve won & proven your case only then will the state attorney come in & follow suit. Believe it or not if they do the individual can receive up to 15 years in jail & even the possibility of a death sentence for the neglect of an elderly person. This is why we need your help. Please don’t feel bad if you can’t help or you only choose to give a dollar. If you can please pass this on share, like/favorite, & comment to help get the word out please do so.

Always remember, that if you see or hear about an elder being abuse you should report it. It is better to be safe than sorry. All reports are confidential. If you need advice or someone to talk to just ask. I’ve been researching these topics for 2 years now. Even though, they are gone I continue to research to see how I could have done differently in hopes to prevent others from suffering.

Seeking justice for the Death & Neglect of Beatrice & Robert Greenhood
Help My family Find Justice

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Thank you!
Jessica

Help My family Find Justice Via Crowdfunding

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I recently saw an interview of Joan Rivers storming out of an interview. Gotta say I love her even more than I already did. She got pissed and stormed out and can’t help, but 100% agree with her.

It’ll never cease to amaze me at how people who are neglectful and do a bad job are praised for it. Here’s a good example. A friend of mine on Facebook has a mom who has not always been well. At times, her mom has really made her life miserable. Despite that, she does what she can for her mom. Why? Cause she knows that despite the misery, her mom’s illness is more to blame than her mom. The moment her mom needs her she does what she can. Why? Because that’s the person she is, a caregiver. Does she care if people think she’s doing a great job? I don’t know, but she’s lucky she’s got a few people that recognize and appreciate her for her efforts. That’s the way most caregivers are.

Then you have pieces of shits who lose their home & job and leech off of a relative. I see almost on a daily basis article on elder abuse & neglect stories….

KS Woman Stuck on a Toilet for 2 Years!!
Emporia woman sentenced for elder abuse
Helping my aunt who is subject of financial abuse.

It’s sad, when my dad became ill due to improper use of his medication I had an officer do a wellness check on him since I couldn’t get him to go to the doctor. The cop told me what I already knew. He told me, “You can’t leave him like that. It’s neglectful & you can go to jail.”. He wasn’t being an asshole! As caregivers we are not perfect & we do the best we can with what we know & have. Hours of researching, several visits to doctors each day takes their toll. I said once, “I was an idiot for trusting family for help.”. They replied with, “No it’s not foolish to trust. The mistake was theirs.” We, trust family & friends & expect them to help. Unfortunately, some people are snakes who take advantage & make a bad situation worse. They do the minimal to help care for the very people they said, “They were there to help”. Denys a wife from saying goodbye to their dying husband. Leaving them at home alone for hours as they are suffering from Chemo Brain, Dementia or other illnesses. Isolate them from other & more. This neglect causes this loved one to suffer from dehydration, UTI’s & other health issues. What’s sad is you question that person’s horrible care & your bad! Yet they are constantly praised because their neglect kills not just 1 but 2 of your loved ones.

You may not like the truth because it’s ugly like Joan said, but I always feel the truth needs to be heard. Neglect is neglect. When an elderly person is in & out of the hospital constantly for dehydration, it’s neglect. It means they can’t be left alone, on their own doing nothing all day. What do you do for your reward in all this neglect? You reward yourself by forging their name & signing over all their belongings to yourself. Yes, just because you gloomed POA (Power of Attorney) Doesn’t mean you can sign their name a week before they die. For this horrible behavior, you are praised? They’re gone for a week & you move into their home… & you are praised!

Sorry, but no your a piece of shit! That is why I’m asking. No one should have to go through that hell. I’m not asking you to help me. I’m asking you to help bring Justice. In Florida, doctors are not required to report elder neglect. Once the person is gone there is only one way to seek justice. The burden lies upon the descendants. When they prove their case & win, then & only then does the state step in. I am not asking for me, I am asking for my parents, who were neglected & taken advantage of.
Please if you can’t help financial it’s ok at least click like/favorite, share & feel free to comment on the go fund me page. Never forget, if you have a loved one who is sick. I’m here to listen & see how I can help you before it’s too late!

Legal Fees for the neglect & death of Beatrice Greenhood
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