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“Sometimes life just randomly answers the questions you’ve been searching for, even if it’s too late to enact on them. ” – Jessica Bixby
Many women prefer to rant, rave & moan about their problems, but not this girl! Not knowing, eat at me. Don’t get me wrong caring for 2 sick parents was Hell. If I had to do it again a small part of me says, “run away!”, but I have morals and would stay & do it. I only hope that my pain can be used as a lesson to help others avoid the same outcome.
So let’s start from the beginning, April 2012 my life changed forever in the blink of an eye. There were warning signs, we just didn’t know, what we didn’t know. My mother had been telling the Dr. for months she’d been having a hard time swallowing, dysphagia. Being the stoic woman and the caregiver for my father. None of us knew what it meant. Since it seem to be a minor annoyance to her none of us thought anything of it. Dysphagia, is part of the normal aging process and alone doesn’t really raise any red flags. After all alone it could be any of a dozen ailments.
Although Fatigue is a sign of somethings wrong, she was diabetic and well was always tired. So again no flags raised. After all being Diabetic and caring for a 70 yr old man who is arthritic & just had both knees replaced is stressful and tiring so fatigue was just an expected thing with her.
So needless to say, it was horrifying to us all when 2 days before they were to go on a cruise my mom was in horrible pain. My father was unable to even unlock the door for emergency people to come in. She barely was able to get to the door to unlock it, the pain was so unbearable.
Just an example of lymphoma of the stomach.
It wouldn’t be till. after a 5 hour emergency surgery that we would find out they had to remove a portion of her stomach. It appeared that she was under a lot of stress and had stomach ulcers. These ulcers appear to have become cancerous and burst through the stomach wall. The fear of almost losing her hit us all hard, but I think the toll of it weighed harder on my father. When you look on Web MD, for Stomach Cancer Symptoms, she never expressed having any of the other symptoms.
The sad truth of the matter is my mom and I share this one thing in common, people worrying about us, makes us uncomfortable. So like her, if I was in pain, I’d keep it to myself and suffer in silence. Out of fear of finances, we both wouldn’t seek medical attention most-likely till it was too late. I do want to note that at the time both my parents had health insurance and plenty of money. The more someone frets & worried about her the more tight lip she would become. On this, I can’t speak for my mom, but when I see someone worrying about me, it’s the most gut wrenching feeling in the world. I rather suffer in silence than add to their fears.
I realize it for what it is, but this was the dumbest thing my mom could have done. Please here me out on this, if you are this type of a person. DO NOT hide being sick, ill, in pain or emotional state from your loved ones EVER! I know it’s hard to talk about, but you are actually going to cause them more pain. They are here for you and will want
Stress-related illness, often referred to as Psychosomatic Disorders, begins with emotional stress or a damaging thought pattern.
to help! Not talking about how your feeling can be deadly and in her case it was a few years drawn out painful mess. I noticed she was tired, so I worked more & harder in the shop for next to nothing. (& yeah, I’d do it again, but maybe get it in writing and wages) Let this be a lesson, I know it’s hard, but you have to talk regularly with doctors, friends and family on how you feel. Maybe we would have taken action earlier and the emergency surgery wouldn’t have had to occur.
I noticed she was tired, so I worked more & harder in the shop for next to nothing. (& yeah, I’d do it again, but maybe get it in writing and wages) Let this be a lesson, I know it’s hard, but you have to talk regularly with doctors, friends and family on how you feel. Maybe we would have taken action earlier and the emergency surgery wouldn’t have had to occur.
Since then I’ve been on a constant search for answers. I know it can’t change the past, but I hope it can change someone else’s future. Below are some links to recommended reading. Please feel free to comment, like & share this post.
We are seeking financial help to resolve the fall out of losing both parents. If you can help please do and God bless!
Seeking justice for the Death & Neglect of Beatrice & Robert Greenhood
Help My family Find Justice
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